There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
