Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
