Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
