i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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