No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
