I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
