nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
