Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
