I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
