O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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