"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
