i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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