Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
