Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
