Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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