I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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