Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
