Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
