i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
