just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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