I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
