i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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