I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
