it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Randomize
