tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
