tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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