I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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