i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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