So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
