Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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