Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
