remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
