He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
