As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
