if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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