Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
