Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
