my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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