did you get engaged???
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
