Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
