he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
