You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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