haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
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You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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