In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
