I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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