Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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