SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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