Don't you send me to vm
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
