You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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