and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
