are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
