Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
