OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
