so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
